In mid December, inspired by exactly what I can’t remember, I made a list.
It was a Saturday. I’d gone for a run in Prospect Park earlier that day. We live two blocks from one of its entrances. It was surprisingly warm out for December and I felt so incredibly alive as I ran. I thought about my desk job and why I don’t like it, why I feel trapped there, why I undergo such a spiritual shift every Monday morning between 9 and 10 am.
As I ran I thought, I don’t care what else I do. I just can’t sit at that desk anymore. It hurts my body. I ran and ran and gazed around at the trees, the green-ness, the people running, biking, and tossing footballs. I thought, I just need to be active during the day. Whatever that means.
And then, in a divine moment of inspiration, I decided I should embark on a career to help heavy people get thin. I used to weigh 115 pounds more than I do today. And I’ve spent the last six years exercising, learning about exercise, honing my ability to avoid overeating, and talking to myself and other people about that whole psychological enchilada. If I’m nearing an expertise on anything, it’s that. This is perfect, I thought. I will take on clients, one at a time, and work with them, walk with them, take long long walks with them, and talk to them about their eating habits, their relationship to exercise, how they feel about being heavy, and most importantly, what they’re happy about, sad about, what they love and wish for. I spent the rest of that run daydreaming about becoming a Weight Loss Coach for Heavy People.
Easier said than done, of course. And I don’t know if I’ll end up doing exactly that or not. But a small door opened in my brain that day. I came home after the workout, my body and brain buzzing from endorphins of all kinds, and I immediately made a list. It didn’t have a title, but I knew that it was meant to be a list of daydream jobs – ways I could imagine happily spending my time, things I would be capable of working toward (with the right mix of schooling and opportunity of course), careers that didn’t involve sitting at a desk answering phones all day. List-making and list-conquering has always been a strong suit of mine, so it was a natural progression. Some of the things on the daydream jobs list surprised me, some of them didn’t. It said:
kids piano teacher
weight loss coach for heavy people
helping old people
tv show writer
Cool, right? Who knew I could imagine being a baker? Or a kids piano teacher?! I haven’t played the piano in ten years.
I guess that run in mid-December where I realized something else was possible was arguably the beginning of this journey. Whatever it ends up being, I just can’t sit at the damn desk anymore, you know? You know. You’re probably already sick of hearing me say it.