You know what I realized?
It’s so easy to keep an automatic running list of what’s not good enough – what I’ve yet to do, yet to accomplish, what’s been hanging on my To Do List for weeks, the fact that I don’t keep my clothes folded as neatly as I “should,” that I wish our apartment had more light, that I am nervous to turn 30, that I’m too old, too young, too inexperienced, too unmotivated, too ambitious, not ambitious enough…
I could literally find a fault, major or minor, with every aspect of my life if I wanted to.
It’s a tape in my brain and it might be the default. It might play over and over again if I leave it unchecked. I have to actively work to change those messages, otherwise I will tell them to myself all day every day.
The funny thing, the TRUTH, is that there’s no way I’m as much of failure or a slacker or a troublemaker or a messy-clothes-offender as my brain would like me to believe. There’s just no way. Because I do my best every day to be a good person and to work toward things that fulfill me and to be supportive and kind in my relationships.
So why isn’t THAT the tape that runs automatically through my head?
I don’t know why it isn’t. But I don’t really need to know. All I need to do is gently switch that mean, judgmental, always-wants-more tape to “mute” and go about my happy life.
Because most everything is exactly as it should be.
And it’s good.