my big news

We just got back from a long weekend trip to New Orleans with family which was fantastic. We were celebrating my stepdad’s 50th birthday and I’d like to think we did so in style. I’d never been to New Orleans before and I can’t believe I hadn’t been – it was incredible. I loved the weather, the vibe, the flowing daiquiris, the amazing live music and the whole culture. We stayed in a big, old stunning vacation home and I’ll share pictures soon. All in all, it was a great trip and the perfect indulgent refresher from crazy city life.

Then, yesterday, I gave my two weeks notice to my boss at the music law firm. (On a Sunday because he left for a week-long business trip to London last night.)

When I started this job I didn’t expect to stay here for a very long time, but I also wasn’t sure what was in store. Maybe I’d get used to the comfortable salary and the free metrocard and stick around for a year or more. But it seems that wasn’t in the cards.

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the boot market

I need new boots! NEW BOOTS, YOU GUYS. And now that I have a job, I can buy some.

I’m being unbelievably picky about finding the perfect pair. They must have the following qualities: slightly pointed toe (this is the only negotiable point), a shade of brown, a little bit of a heel, very comfortable for walking, can be dressy if I need to wear them under slacks or jeans at work, and can handle mild winter weather.

What a list.

I have never in my life had a pair of non-snow boots that I love and that don’t hurt my feet. That might be because I’ve always been the kind of person who can’t justify paying pay more than, say, $100 for any clothing or footwear item. Everything I own is from Kohl’s or Target.

But I’m beginning to realize that if I want really comfy boots that don’t hurt my feet, and if I don’t want to have to buy a new pair every year, I’m going to have to pony up a little bit more more than $59.99. You know?

Here are a pair I’m considering:

They’re Uggs! I’m not an Ugg fan but these aren’t traditional Uggs at all. They’re supposed to be very comfortable.

I also think these Uggs could do the trick:

Of course I’ve yet to try either pair on. That’s the next step. (Pun.)

As you can imagine, my life since beginning this job has become a whole different ballgame, for better or worse. I’m tired a lot, very busy and my brain is still readjusting to holding all this information at once.

But I’m getting by…and buying boots should help with the transition. 😉

On another note, I’d like to thank Nancy Jane Smith for featuring me on her blog this week. Nancy’s a career counselor and she says “for the past 10 years I have been working with people to help them figure out how to work happier and live happier.” Her site is lovely – go check it out. (Thanks again, Nancy.)

FRIDAAAAY!

YES! Friday. The weekend awaits.

After a week of trying to re-acclimate myself to this lifestyle, I’m finally remembering the good stuff about having a job like this one.

One might ask oneself why I wasn’t able to hone in on these features during my last stint at a desk job, why I made a whole stink about quitting if it wasn’t so bad after all?

The answer is two-fold: First, I seem to have matured dramatically during this last year. I’m not as irritated by other humans as I used to be, I’m more patient, and I don’t take things as personally as I used to. Hurray. I definitely needed a year away from this environment to feel that way, though. And second, this particular job is So Much Better than the last one. In the world of office jobs, it doesn’t take much to make one job So Much Better than another, but those little instances add up.

One thing I missed about having a paycheck job was getting a PAYCHECK. I got one yesterday. I get another one next week. Is this heaven?

I also missed Fridays. In fact, from the moment I quit my last job I missed Fridays. You know, everyone’s saying “Happy Friday!” or “Have a great weekend,” everyone’s ready to bust out of the office and go do their thang – it’s like high school on a Friday but with more spending money and fewer raging hormones. When you work for yourself from home, there’s no such thing as Friday, at least there wasn’t for me. Every day was, like, a Tuesday. Or a really busy Saturday where you have to run a lot of errands.

I said to my friend Jess (of See Jess Run) in an email yesterday that returning to an office job wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I quit my last job, but working from home for myself ended up not being exactly what I had in mind either. It just wasn’t what I’d hoped it would be. Yes, I still plan to pursue a career that I’m passionate about, but now I have a new approach.

So. Learning. Adjusting. Moving forward. Blah blah.

Have a great weekend, all. And – you know – Happy Friday.

all too familiar

The first day of my new job was great. I met everyone, got a sense of the office vibe and discovered that the job itself is going to be easier than I expected. I also realized that I’m going to be treated like a grown-up at this office, which is unlike my last job. For instance, I don’t have to ask for permission when I go to the bathroom. Imagine!

The second day was a little less encouraging. None of the circumstances changed, but I started to realize that the job might be a lot less work than I thought it would be, leaving with me with the dreaded Not Enough To Do syndrome that left me feeling bored and depressed at my last job. Sure, having free time during the work day can be lovely, but it turns out I much prefer to feel busy and useful. (Please note: I’d probably also have a gripe if there was too much work. So.)

On the second day I also realized how much I want to avoid walking around with a chip on my shoulder all the time. And I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t do that with this job – that I would work on being kind, cheerful and positive as often as possible. I don’t want to end up being the ugliest version of myself here.

Today, the third day, I find myself trying to accept all these positive and negative feelings and be patient with myself as I readjust to this lifestyle. For the most part, I can imagine months passing by as I sit here in this chair in my dress slacks, sipping my coffee, trying to decide what I should have for lunch today. That’s terrifying and reassuring all at once.

There are moments when I have no idea how I got here, when I think this might be a dream, when I wonder if I should just walk out before it’s too late. The alternative, however, would probably find me sitting on my couch in my workout clothes, NOT having worked out yet, having woken up later than I’d wanted to, trying to figure out what to do with my day, feeling worried about money and unclear about my goals and wondering where the two shall intersect. Near the end there, the “dream” of working from home was often a penniless, boring reality because I didn’t know where to put my energy.

I spent the last year exploring, learning and making personal and professional progress. I have to remember that this return to a desk job is an extension of that – a chance to have some financial stability while I continue to work toward my own goals.

I just don’t know what my goals are yet.

…or maybe I do know what they are and I just need to do what I always tell everyone else to do: Trust myself.

today

I woke up early this morning, got dressed, made myself an egg sandwich and commuted over the sunny Brooklyn Bridge into Manhattan. I had to stand on the train, and my feet were killing me by the time I got to the office. But I really didn’t mind too much. The walk from the subway to my office building is lovely.

I’m not exactly allowed to and don’t plan to talk in detail about this job. I don’t want to risk it. I’ll say that I like the people I work with so far, I have a fair amount of responsibility and a lot of freedom too, I don’t mind the work and I don’t have to answer phones (!).

If I have to have a paycheck job this appears to be a good one. I’m lucky.

I came straight home from work tonight, ate dinner, and worked with Harvard Sailing Team on a project. And now I’m exhausted. Goodnight.

my new job

I’m back in Brooklyn after a great week in Los Angeles. I had a blast on the trip, but I’m glad to be home – I am reminded how much I love New York City.

Today, Kevin made us brunch, then we did some shopping (new shoes!), and walked over the Brooklyn Bridge in the evening. It was perfect.

Los Angeles was an awesome experience for Harvard Sailing Team. We had so much fun together, got a lot done, and things are moving in a great direction right now – we’re definitely pinching ourselves.

fanny & jane 2010

This post doesn’t contain my “secret,” but it doesn’t contain a detail a few of you have been begging me to reveal!

What the heck is the status of Fanny & Jane this holiday season?

The short answer: We’re not opening the bakery for the 2010 holidays. Waaah!! I know, I know.

Here’s why:

eight years later!

Well, I totally dropped the ball on my promise to do some “good ol’ fashioned desk job entries” last week.

It’s Monday. And I’m still working an office temp gig this week (which has just been extended by a few days due to an unforeseen circumstance in the office). It pays well and I’m enjoying the routine. In fact, I think it’s making me more productive all-around. Interesting!

That said, I’m also busy as eff.

I would be remiss, however, if I didn’t point out that today is a special day for me. September 27 will always hold an important place in my heart because it’s the day I started losing weight in 2002. On this day eight years ago, I was a very, very heavy young woman. I weighed over 265 pounds, looked awful, felt worse, and had maaaybe owned three pieces of clothing I could fit into. It was a miserable reality.

Losing the weight and keeping it off hasn’t always been a cake-walk, but I feel so blessed to realize that eight years later, I’m so much thinner, happier, healthier and feel more at peace with my body than ever before. Changing my habits and behaviors wasn’t just a phase – I really DID it.

Do I still have to keep myself from eating too many french fries and force myself to workout? All the time. But those day to day mini-battles are meaningless (which is why I rarely talk about them) when compared to the big picture.

Eight years ago, on this day, I made a commitment to myself that I was going to change my physical reality. And I did. The old, fat me is screaming joyfully from the rooftops right now.

Moving on, here are a couple orders of business:

1.) My latest article’s over up at Spring!

2.) If you’re looking for a some direction in your professional or personal life my dear friend Michelle Ward, the When I Grow Up Coach (and one half of a coupla married cuties with whom Kevin and I love to double date), has partnered with her colleague and a very talented artist, Jessica Smith, to launch a brilliant new website and e-course called The Declaration of You! I love their plan and their passion, and I’m going to be taking the course MYSELF! So, maybe you should too?

the race + an update

Today was my first full day alone at the temp job. I didn’t finish working until 9:30pm! I went in for a few hours on Sunday too. Boo. Today was a race against the clock, filled with lots of important legal details I was terrified to screw up.

I honestly don’t think these two weeks will be that bad (and ca-ching, ca-ching! the money’s good!), but right now my back is on fire and I’m exhausted.

It’s funny to be revisiting this lifestyle where I can’t fit in a workout, barely have time to eat lunch and feel like my retinas are burned into my head on the hour-long commute home. That stuff, along with the disjointedness of coming home knowing I won’t have time to clean up or do laundry for a week and a half, is some of why I quit my job. I’m not build for the nonstop race, I need time to reset.

In other news…

Harvard Sailing Team‘s new short film will premiere at the Friar’s Club Film Festival this weekend, and we all get to go to the screening! We worked hard on our little movie and had a great time making it, so we’re excited to watch it on the big screen. There’s also an after-party and an awards ceremony. Should be a super-fun weekend.

Jen+Steve, my two person improv team, won our first round at the PIT’s Sketchprov tournament. Winner of the whole event gets $2500. You never know!

My Acting for Sketch & Scripted Comedy class starts October 21. I’m excited and nervous! Eep!

And I’m still doing as much writing as I can, whenever possible.

Fanny & Jane…I haven’t mentioned in a while – huh? Well, as you know, we took a summer hiatus. The unofficial and official answer about what will happen this fall is: we don’t quite know yet. We know we can’t have the same experience we had last season, which was very productive, busy and lucrative, but it was also SO MUCH WORK OH MY GOD. And not in a great way. So stay tuned. Decisions will be made soon.

Oh, and shut the front door, I’m turning 30 in a month and a half. Yeesh.

If time allows I’ll try to do some classic desk-job updates while I’m at work this week! It’ll be like old times. 🙂

thank you!

Yesterday I vowed to combat my Blackberry obsession (it’s really more like a neurotic tic) for the next few days, at least. It’s the perfect week to be less connected since half the world is on vacation, plus I’m headed to Vegas tomorrow for my cousin’s wedding! I can’t be medically dependent on my phone when I’m trying to win jackpots, you guys. Get real.

So when I checked Twitter last night before bed, my jaw dropped to discover that The Frisky had posted my article yesterday afternoon! I had no idea it went up.

And I was even more surprised to find a bunch of really thoughtful, positive comments. So thank you for reading, commenting and for your emails, tweets and Facebook messages. I’m truly, truly humbled by all the generous and warm responses.

The truth is, it’s a little intimidating to post such a personal story on the Internet. I’m not a particularly private person because I don’t see any need to keep secrets. But telling a story like this in all its scandalous glory on such a widely read site still involves some letting go on my part.

More than anything though, I am reminded that I have nothing to hide. In short, I went through an incredibly difficult time in my early twenties that felt like a death as it was happening. Sure, there are some embarrassing details associated with the whole mess, but I can’t be ashamed of any of it. It happened. And it’s a story I’m compelled to tell.

If readers can relate, are moved, or if it helps them with something in their own life, I’m honored.